The Man I Used to Be

Navigating Life’s Changes

Part of the day’s work revamping the irrigation system

After working much too hard and long recently, hopping in a long and hot shower to sluice off the sweat and ease aching muscles, and then having to lie down on our bed for over half an hour to recover, I said to my wife, in grief, “I’m not the man I used to be.” Then I realized the concept has multiple dimensions, and these words came to me.

The man I used to be

            could run for miles…laughing

            could labor for hours…smiling

            could concentrate for hours…writing

            could ride over 1,000 miles on a bike in one day…completing

            could use almost infinite energy…recovering

the man I am

            can walk for 15 minutes…panting

            can labor for two hours…tiring

            can concentrate for 15 minutes…going brain dead

            can ride 450 miles on a bike…aching

            can use my finite energy…recovering slowly

The man I used to be

            treated people with kindness…selfishly

            concentrated on me…primarily

            chose my way…individually

            fit God into the spaces of my life…barely

            walked on my own…often unaware of you

the man I am

            yearns to imbed kindness in my soul…with no reward

            yearns to seek and tend to the needs of others…generously

            yearns to get wise advice…consistently

            yearns to fit my life into God…entirely

            yearns to be in touch…constantly

A fair trade, I would say

Regardless of age, how do we manage our changing lives? At 30, I wasn’t the man from 20. Each decade seems to bring a new me, for both good and bad. But we can be strategic.

First, let’s be real and acknowledge our flaws. James told us to confess our faults to one another, but that assumes we’re honest with ourselves about them. It’s become somewhat easier to do that as I age, lessened needs to appear perfect, a greater understanding and embracing of God’s grace.

I shared an earlier and rougher version of this poem with a few friends. Some found this somewhat surprising, but how freeing it’s become.

Second, let’s embrace the trade-off. Somewhere in my 40s, as I noticed some changes, I came across this passage that has become increasingly significant. For those of you younger than I, who yet don’t feel the touch of age, let this be part of your life plan,

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16, NAS).

Frankly, even as I enjoy the blessing of reaching 77, which many don’t get, that blessing comes with some disadvantages. We lose 8% of our muscle mass every decade. ‘Nuff said! But do we invest our time and energy in what is a loss-loss proposition, or in one that is win-win? Do we focus on nurturing that which will last eternally, or that which wastes away, eventually into nothing?

Kick Starting the Application

Regardless of your age, do you focus on the physical aspect of life or the spiritual? How honest are you with that? What specific tasks can you do to focus on the inner spiritual man?