Connecting with others
We checked into our timeshare in Sedona last July, got settled in, then headed to happy hour at our favorite place, Enchantment Resort, with an awesome view of a red stratified sandstone cliff. In the cool freshness of the next morning, I got up well before Sheila and carried my coffee and a cinnamon raisin bagel to our patio, sitting back and checking out our surroundings, only to see these two trees who had invaded each other’s space. Maybe twenty feet away and one third enmeshed in one another. A juniper on the left, likely a camphor on the right. Two different species, yet connected. They had grown into one another’s space and almost looked like one tree with two separated trunks.
Impossible to not think of our marriage. We met 45 years before at a job interview, each felt attracted, but I waited six months to make my move; she responded, and three more months saw us married. I thought I knew her before, cautiously observing, but I was clueless. So was she about me. We’ve learned about our vast differences, our common values, and in that span we’ve invaded each other’s space. By invitation and unavoidable necessity.
Now, our lives have intersected so much I can’t conceive of living without her. Yes, she’s flawed, but she’s mine. Yes, I’m flawed, but I’m hers. My best term for us: close companions through life. We intersect, like those trees. At the same time, we have our individual selves. Changed by our interaction, yet discreet in some areas. She no longer goes on our long motorcycle rides. I don’t go to her spa days. But we both hope we die at the same time.
Yet, the lesson of two trees transcends marriage, and touches all relationships. Family. Friendship. With local fellowships. A couple of lessons.
1 It’s not good to be alone. Something in our souls yearn for connection. For healthy relationships. God said this early on, leading to marriage. Then Solomon added all relationships to that, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NLT ).
2 We gain these benefits by entwining our lives with others. The more we share, the stronger the bond and the benefits. Shared activities. Shared problems. Shared joys. Shared time. Shared care. Yes, that’s scary. Yes, some will betray us and take advantage. But we deal with those extra grace required people by connecting deeply with healthy ones.
Kick Starting the Application
How naturally do you connect with others? What keeps you from doing that? How deep are your relationships? Do you have a few you can be fully honest with?