image by upserve.com
We navigate a toxic world of easily offended people that includes those who seem to delight in offending and demeaning others. A recent Facebook discussion on this came up with a helpful metaphor on how to tone down some of the discord. Most of us, myself included, tend to think we’re correct and others would benefit by accepting our beliefs and values. So we share them, they resist, and we up the game. We get more strong and loud, they get more resistant, emotions grow and insults fly. Not good, and relationships often fracture.
Perhaps we err by feeling responsible for them to accept our wisdom. We struggle to allow others to have a different opinion on politics or faith or…almost anything. So, maybe we can take the role of a waiter. Waiters don’t order for the diner. They suggest the options. Sometimes the diner asks for a recommendation, and that is offered. But waiters have no right to get upset if their suggestion isn’t accepted. That decision belongs to the diner.
So, three tips on becoming waiters so we can follow Jesus more graciously.
First, grant others the same free will God offers us. Near the end of his life and his leadership of God’s people, Joshua did that, “But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15). He presented the menu: serve God or something else, but I choose God. No force. He respected their right to disagree even as he grieved it.
Second, realize we can influence, but cannot determine results. Paul affirmed that, “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow” (1 Corinthians 3:6-7). If we accept the Bible as God’s word, then why must we take responsibility for other’s decisions? Results that are outside our control. We plant, we water, we do what we can, then we rest. God has it from there, and he is MUCH more capable than we.
Laura brought up a good thought that led to our last point, “Also I think people are more responsive to example more than words. I am an introvert by nature so conversations can be difficult at times but examples of behavior can speak volumes.” Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the gospel at all times. When necessary, use words.” On your own, please read 1 Peter 3:1-4, when he said that people can be won over without a word, when we have a gracious and loving and respectful spirit. Yes, we need words, but our attitudes must show love.
Doesn’t this seem like it could tone down a lot of conversations, of the hassles on social media? Wouldn’t it decrease the stress we feel when people don’t agree with our wisdom? To do our best, and leave the rest to God. And maybe if more of us did this, we could sense more love between people who disagree. And we all know our world today needs more love.
Kick Starting the Application
How easily do you act as a waiter, or do you disagree strongly on political or spiritual issues? How would you guess God feels? Do you struggle the most with one of these three principles above? Why? What specific step can you take this week to improve on that?