Determined to become the next big rock star, I bought a guitar. A Sears Silvertone, black with an orange starburst around the sound hole. My good friend Ken and I began practicing, and the first obstacle emerged. I couldn’t tune the blasted instrument! Oh, I knew the strings and frets to press to match the tones of adjacent strings, but my ear couldn’t hear the differences. Ken soon tired of tuning mine. OK, ditch the gitfiddle and just sing. Next obstacle. Being tone deaf doesn’t lend itself to singing virtuosity.

So my dream died, but a new force emerged. Jealousy